CrossFit HQ filed to trademark “Sanctionals” back in September 28, 2018 and was approved today…
Dear 19-year-old Andrea,
You love your friends, and you miss your parents. It’s hard for you to be away for college and you wonder if you should have stayed closer. Don’t worry; the homesickness will pass. Grand Junction will become your new home, and your track team will become your sisters.
When that happens, you’ll be tempted to stay up late, become nocturnal, go to parties all the time to show people you’re not as sheltered as you know you are, but trust your instincts. You will be intimidated by the people that seem to know how they’ll use their major, but don’t worry you won’t have a conventional job. You won’t be sitting behind a desk, and you won’t be working in research in a Vo2 Max lab as you think. You’ll instead be creative with how you make money, and your passion for training will spill out all over the internet in a few years when you discover CrossFit, YouTube, and Instagram.
“Running will someday give you the speed you need in a sport that hasn’t even been dreamed up yet…This sport will make your skinny runner-legs full of quads, and you’ll be able to do 60 pull-ups unbroken, I swear.
Your love interests right now are only “for right now.” You won’t marry any of them, so it’s time to move on sister. The love of your life is playing soccer in college across the United States on the East Coast. You won’t meet him until you’re way too freaking old so cool your jets, skip dating, and just build amazing female friendships and give that love to your family. Dust off that old Bible on your shelf and get to reading. You’ll re-discover your faith, and it will affect the rest of your life. You’ll be forever changed. And remember, faith is about having a relationship with Jesus, not obeying all the rules.
Don’t worry and stress about tests, papers, assignments and GPA’s. It’s okay to get a B and even an occasional C for that matter. Trust me, none of your future employers look at them. Keep friends around that make you better and challenge you to build your dream. Let friends go that only like you when you’re on top, when you’re the coolest person at the party, or when you have the fastest split time on your 4×4 relay team.
Running isn’t a waste of time, so keep giving your 100%. Although Mom and Dad call it a hobby and wish you’d apply for graduate school instead, running will someday give you the speed you need in a sport that hasn’t even been dreamed up yet. But once you discover it, you’ll know because every race you win will later make you crave a different podium. Every swim practice will lead you to an all-out sprint at something called The Games. There you’ll be, charging to keep up with the fastest teammate on a relay in a co-ed team covered on ESPN. This sport will make your skinny runner-legs full of quads, and you’ll be able to do 60 pull-ups unbroken, I swear.
Dust off that old Bible on your shelf and get to reading. You’ll re-discover your faith, and it will affect the rest of your life. You’ll be forever changed. And remember, faith is about having a relationship with Jesus, not obeying all the rules.
And on the lighter side, I figure I could prove that I know who you are and that I’m from the future. Why do you eat so much marshmallow fluff? Just because it’s delicious doesn’t mean you should be eating it; fluffy white sugar is not a good carb. Pasta and macaroni and cheese are not food. Even though meat is expensive and you’re broke, buy more of it. Learn to cook. CD’s are lame (except the Twilight movie soundtrack and Red Hot Chili Peppers), and they’re about to become extinct so give them away and just use your phone. And when you go to Vegas in two years for your birthday don’t punch the slot machines only for getting kicked out of a nightclub – they didn’t do anything to you.